Rabbit Fire
by Davidk92
Summary: A remake of the Looney Tunes cartoon with Sonic characters. Rated solely for the use of guns.


I am _so _sorry for the lack of updates to my stories. I've not had a lot of time to be able to write, I'm afraid, so I'm not sure when I next update any of them. So, to keep everyone amused during the wait, here's a wee quick one. Enjoy!

* * *

A elderly yet fit-looking man stalked the forest, his eyes and ears open for any kind of disturbances. His gloved hands gripped a large rifle, which bore the initials "G.U.N." His heterochromia-ridden eyes looked to the ground, where he saw the footprints of the creature he was stalking: a rabbit. Surprisingly, he raised a finger to his lips and spoke directly to the readers. 

"Shhh. Keep your voice down." warned the GUN Commander. "I'm hunting rabbits." The military leader let out a chuckle as he began to follow the tracks.

Elsewhere in the forest, the source of the tracks moved quickly, keeping a good distance between it and it's hunter. The perpetrator was in fact a green duck, it's only garments being a red neckerchief, two white gloves, and a pair of shoes similar to that of a rabbit's. With an evil smirk, the mallard ran into a clearing in the forest where a small cottage stood. Moving briskly, the duck, who was known as Bean, led the tracks to the house and knocked on it's door (but not before removing his rabbit feet, revealing red shoes with a white strip on top).

"Thurvival of the fittetht," he told the audience, apparantly revealing a lisp, before zipping back into the forest. "And bethideth: it'th fun!"

A young cream coloured bunny answered the door, her pet Chao hovering close above her head.

"Did someone knock?" she asked, looking around. Immediately, a bullet struck the jamb of her door. Cream the Rabbit leapt to the side in fright, only to stare down the barrel of the Commander's gun.

"Now I got you, you... you... rabbit!" he cried triumphantly. Cream looked up at him innocently.

"Mr. Commander, sir, why are you shooting me? It's Duck Hunting Season, you get in a lot of trouble for this."

"THAT, my friend, ith an unmitigated fabrication!" cried out her green foil as he emerged from his hiding place. "It'th _Rabbit_ Theathon!"

"Duck Season." Cream replied calmly, as her pet Chao, Cheese, nodded vigourously.

"Rabbit Theathon!"

"Duck Season."

"Rabbit Theathon!"

"Duck Season."

"Rabbit Theathon!"

"Rabbit Season."

"Duck Theathon!"

"Rabbit Season."

"I thay it'th Duck Theathon, and I thay fire!" Bean ordered as he folded his arms. The Commander took aim at his head...

_BANG!_

As the smoke cleared, Bean's bill humourously was sent spinning around his head by the force of the shot before stopping neatly in place. He glared at the young kit, who merely smiled up at him bemusedly. She was smarter than she seemed.

"Let's try that again," he told her darkly.

"Okay, then." Cream said, still smiling.

"_I'll_ thtart it thith time."

"If it makes you feel better."

Bean grabbed the barrel of the Commander's gun and pointed it at Cream. "Rabbit Theathon."

Cream calmly pushed it towards Bean. "Duck Season."

"Rabbit Theathon!" Bean shouted, moving it back.

"Rabbit Season." cried Cream, as she took hold of the gun and moved it in a circle back to her.

"Duck Theathon! FIRE!" called Bean, as he aimed the gun at himself.

_BANG!_

Bean's bill was knocked onto the opposite side of his head. He once again shot Cream a dirty look as he repositioned it.

"Okay, thith time _you_ thtart it."

"Whatever you say." she replied cheerily, secretly loving every second of it. She carefully moved the gun so it was pointing at her.

"Rabbit."

"DUCK! FIRE!!"

_BANG!_

This time, Bean's whole head was shot out of position, so it was now upside down. He turned to the audience.

"Wha'th the matter? Everything'th upthide down!" Cream giggled as he began to wander about, trying to get his bearings as he muttered "That'th thtrange... can't make headth or tailth of thingth..." to himself.

"Hey, you!" shouted the Commander after Bean, as he aimed his gun. "Get back here!" However, instead of a resounding _BANG!, _a faint_ click, click_ was heard.

"Damn it!" he scowled. "Outta bullets!"

"Outta bullets?" echoed Cream. She called out to Bean, whose head was by now back on correctly. "Hey, Mr. Duck! He's outta bullets!"

"Out of bulletth!?" repeated Bean ecstatically, striding up to them. He snatched the rifle from the Commander, before looking directly down the barrel.

_BANG!_

"There must of been one last bullet." observed the Commander.

"One last bullet?" echoed Cream. She called out to Bean, whose quif of hair was now hanging of his head, a large bullet lodged in it. "Hey, Mr. Duck! There must of..."

"I know, I know!" interrupted the aquatic bird.

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Much later, Cream (who had left Cheese at home) used her ears to hover a little off the ground, letting her pin a sign she had made to a tree. Unbeknownst to her, Bean was watching her every move, and ran up to look at the sign as soon as she was gone. It read: "DUCK SEASON NOW OPEN!"

"Fiendithly clever." murmured Bean, before running off as the Commander arrived.

The Commander bumped into Bean, who had donned a replica of Cream's dress, gloves and shoes, as well as a hairband with rabbit ears and a little cotton tail.

"How are you getting on with thothe duckth, thir?" he asked, attempting to mirror his foe's mannerisms. "It'th Duck Theathon, you know."

"Now, wait jutht a minute!" called out said foe, as she stormed up to the pair. She had changed into a green version of her outfit, along with an orange bill and red neckercheif. "Where do you get that Duck Theathon thtuff!?"

"Thayth right over there on that thign, if you're tho thmart." said the seemingly species/gender-confused duck, pointing toward Cream's sign. But it now read "RABBIT SEASON NOW OPEN!"

"You know what to do with that gun, thir." he said smugly, not actually looking at the sign.

_BANG!_

Bean's rabbit ears landed on the ground. He turned to glare at Cream once again, before evilly saying: "You're dethpicable."

The group headed back to Cream's house, Bean ranting about how "dethpicable" and "picable" she was, as both Cream and Bean discarded their disguises. By the time they reached the cottage, the only part of their disguises they still had on was Cream's green dress, which was purely for modesty.

Bean continued shouting as Cream entered her home, while Vanilla managed to catch her on the stairs.

"Cream, dear, what in heaven's name is going on out there!?"

"Don't worry, Mother. It's nothing I can't handle... say, could I borrow one of your recipe books?"

Cream left again a few minutes later, reading a book entitled "1000 Ways To Cook A Duck" to find Bean and the Commander waiting for her (the former having changed back to his gloves, shoes and neckercheif while she was away).

"...how a perthon could get tho dethpicable in one lifetime ith beyond me. It ithn't as though I haven't met a lot of people. Goodneth knowth it ithn't that. It ithn't jutht that... it ithn't... it'th... it'th...2 he finally saw what she was reading. "...dethpicable."

Cream turned her attention to the Commander. "Filet of Duck Bordelaise Maitre d'Butter. Yum-yum." she said with a sly smile. "Duck Polonaise Under Glass. Mmm-mm."

Bean, seeing what she was up to, pulled a book, "1000 Ways To Cook A Rabbit" from hammerspace where he kept his beloved bombs.

"Rabbit au Gratin de Gelatin under tooled leather. Oh, drool-drool."

"Barbecued Duck Meat with Broiled Duck Bill Milanese. Yummy-yum."

"Chicken Fried Rabbit with Cottontail Thauce braithed in carrotth. Mm-mmm."

The Commander did a face-palm. "Don't bother trying: I'm a vegetarian. I hunt just for sport."

Cream gave the Commander one of Bean's glares, as she shouted. "Well, there _are _other sports besides hunting, you know!"

Bean pooped up behind her, now sporting a white top and shorts, as well as a tennis racquet.

"Anyone for tennith!?" he cried out enthusiastically.

_BANG!_

"Nithe game..." he muttered.

The Commander then turned his gun on Cream, as he warned her "You're next, Rabbit!"

He shot at her, which she managed to dodge by ducking, before chasing Cream and Bean with his gun back into Cream's home. Vanilla set down the novel she was reading as her daughter and Bean burst in.

"Whatever's the matter, dear?" she asked, concerned.

"ALRIGHT!" roared the Commander. "COME OUT OR I'LL BLAST YOU OUT!"

Vanilla frowned, finally seeing the problem, opened the window and looked over at the Commander.

"How dare you!" she spat. "How dare you try to shoot a rabbit with a an elephant gun!"

"Elephant gun...?" asked the GUN leader, looking at his weapon.

"That's right. Now go shoot an elephant or something, you big bully!" scolded Vanilla, closing the window.

Unfortuanately for him, Mammoth Mogul from the Archie comics happened to be passing by (sorry, I didn't know any other elephant Sonic characters).

"You do, and just see what happens." he said darkly, before smashing the Commander into the ground with his fist.

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The Commander angrily prowled the forest, muttering death threats about Cream and Bean. Out of nowhere, a loud barking caught his attention, and he looked down to see a cream-coloured dog with unusually long ears. It began barking, and a bullet narrowly missed the Commander's ear.

"HEY!" he screamed in the direction of his attacker. "Don't you know who I am!? I'm the head of the Guardian U... U..Uni..." the Commander saw the most beautiful being before his eyes.

Her golden locks were tied up into a bun, which poked out from the back of her red hat, with a matching red blouse. A green skirt and brown boots completed her appearance as a huntress, though she also wore a neckercheif and white gloves. But her eyes... a pair of pools darker than the darkest ebony looked at him from those eyes.

"Oh, how thimply dreadful!" she called out with a slight lisp, running up to him with her gun.

The Commander blushed as she began to feel his air for any injures. "Did I hurt you? Oh, pleathe thay I didn't!"

"Well, I... heh, heh, heh..."

A pain suddenly ran through his leg as the dog sank it's teeth into it. The huntress knelt down to scold it, as her skirt slid down a little and her blouse moved up, giving the Commander a good show of her _feathery_ back.

"Gypthy! You naughty bow-wow! Leave the man alone!" she told it, before standing up and looking over at the enraged Commander. He suddenly snatched her gun off her.

"Alright, duck! I see through your disguise!" Cream began to edge away slightly until he aimed at her too. "Same to you, rabbit!" he bellowed.

The pair literally jumped out of their costumes, before racing over to a tree with a poster on it. Bean made it there first.

"Rabbit Theathon!" he pointed out, reading the sign.

"Duck Season." corrected Cream, ripping off the poster to reveal a Duck Season one underneath.

"Rabbit Theathon!" he insisted, ripping it off likewise.

"Duck Season!"

"Rabbit Theathon!"

"Duck Season!"

However, both were distracted from their argument when the next poster wasn't a Duck Season poster, but a Commander Season one. Both Cream and Bean turned to the Commander evily.

The Commander gulped, before he narrowly dodged several bullets and ran off. Cream and Bean followed, both sporting the Commander's uniform and similar rifles.

"Shh." warned Cream. "Be very, very quiet."

Bean chuckled and added "We're hunting Commanders!" and immediately, both ran after the military official, happy to get back at him for all the trouble he caused.


End file.
